It's Official: I'm losing it.

Despite trying not to entertain these thoughts and perhaps even fantasies... I am becoming one of "those" people.

I have had an intense interest in English history, the Renaissance, Queen Elizabeth and other Tudor-esque things my entire life (I designed my prom gown inspired by Elizabeth's fashions) but my Tudor interest these past two years has, at times, bordered on obsession. I have quite literally had days where it's all I have thought about.

I have always been prone to over-interest but this is not only lasting longer but is far more intense than mere interest or hobby. My only question is: why?
This is where I think I am becoming one of "them."

Besides my interest and fascination with the people and places of Tudor England, there is a definite "feeling" that I am experiencing with all of it. Most poignantly, the feeling I had for the two weeks I was in England visiting those places and then the months after I returned to America.

To say that my May 2009 visit to England changed my life is an understatement. Not only was it a source of immense comfort and relief to be away from life here, but I was able to clear my head to arrive at decisions; to move forward in my life and career. There was more to it.

Visiting these places gave me a feeling of coming home. It was as if I had long been in exile and was finally allowed to come back to the place where I belong. And the satisfaction of having that experience stayed with me for many months after. Like a dose of medicine. I took some and it enabled me to face coming back here.

Once again, I wonder at my deep affinity for England and places like Hever, Hampton Court and even the Tower. I wonder what it is drawing me back through movies, books and TV. After all this time and literally hundreds of viewings, I have the most bizarre reactions to shows like The Tudors. I have yet to watch the season 1 recap that leads to the first episode of season 2 without having chills from head to toe. Why? Why do I get a lump in my throat and feel as if I will cry? Every time.

I find I want to surround myself with objects, furniture, anything of the period.
I feel as if I was there. (There! I said it! I'm one of those "past lives" freaks!) It's true, I feel as if I was there, I dressed like them, lived those lives, experienced those times. I don't believe that I am anyone famous reincarnated or anything like that... but I just cannot begin to understand these feelings if I wasn't there in some capacity.