Sunday, January 3, 2010

It's Official: I'm losing it.

Despite trying not to entertain these thoughts and perhaps even fantasies... I am becoming one of "those" people.

I have had an intense interest in English history, the Renaissance, Queen Elizabeth and other Tudor-esque things my entire life (I designed my prom gown inspired by Elizabeth's fashions) but my Tudor interest these past two years has, at times, bordered on obsession. I have quite literally had days where it's all I have thought about.

I have always been prone to over-interest but this is not only lasting longer but is far more intense than mere interest or hobby. My only question is: why?
This is where I think I am becoming one of "them."

Besides my interest and fascination with the people and places of Tudor England, there is a definite "feeling" that I am experiencing with all of it. Most poignantly, the feeling I had for the two weeks I was in England visiting those places and then the months after I returned to America.

To say that my May 2009 visit to England changed my life is an understatement. Not only was it a source of immense comfort and relief to be away from life here, but I was able to clear my head to arrive at decisions; to move forward in my life and career. There was more to it.

Visiting these places gave me a feeling of coming home. It was as if I had long been in exile and was finally allowed to come back to the place where I belong. And the satisfaction of having that experience stayed with me for many months after. Like a dose of medicine. I took some and it enabled me to face coming back here.

Once again, I wonder at my deep affinity for England and places like Hever, Hampton Court and even the Tower. I wonder what it is drawing me back through movies, books and TV. After all this time and literally hundreds of viewings, I have the most bizarre reactions to shows like The Tudors. I have yet to watch the season 1 recap that leads to the first episode of season 2 without having chills from head to toe. Why? Why do I get a lump in my throat and feel as if I will cry? Every time.

I find I want to surround myself with objects, furniture, anything of the period.
I feel as if I was there. (There! I said it! I'm one of those "past lives" freaks!) It's true, I feel as if I was there, I dressed like them, lived those lives, experienced those times. I don't believe that I am anyone famous reincarnated or anything like that... but I just cannot begin to understand these feelings if I wasn't there in some capacity.

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly what you mean! (so if you're crazy, that makes two of us, lol). When I was a child, I absolutely loved all things Medieval/Renaissance, and was the nerdy 6th grader who enjoyed Social Studies and History courses. Later in high school, I became fascinated with all things 16th century (i.e. the Tudors, Shakespeare, Mary Queen of Scots, the Spanish Armada, etc.). I even wrote my senior research paper at the undergraduate level on Mary Queen of Scots and Elizabethan England.

    But while I've always had a fascination with this era, it wasn't until recently that I've started to question why I have always been so obsessed. Like you, it seemed like I was missing something, but I was not willing to accept that it was reincarnation or anything of that sort. However, I randomly met a self-professed spiritual intuitive last year and decided to see what she had to say about me, for entertainment purposes if anything. What is interesting (and I'll admit it, freaked me out a little) is that she gave me a reading that said that I had reincarnated in the past, and had most notably lived a life in 16th century Spain. Knowing that this woman knew nothing about me beforehand, you can probably imagine how strange and a little creepy it was to hear...

    Anyway, I just wanted to share my experience and let you know that there are other people out there who feel similarly. :)